


all mimsy were the borogoves

by krinka



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Identity Issues, M/M, Ryo's head is a sad and Akira-riddled place, and Zootopia, introspective, random references to Lewis Carroll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 06:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14278659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krinka/pseuds/krinka
Summary: In his head echoes a strange prayer, singing cogito ergo sum, cogito ergo sum, cogito ergo –And he thinks he is Ryo Asuka.





	all mimsy were the borogoves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaypeg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaypeg/gifts).



_“Begin at the beginning…and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”  
– Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland_

The Devil waits for the world to restart.

Akira is sleeping beside him, and perhaps he, too, is sleeping.

The Devil dreams of Ryo Asuka, and of being someone else.

 

In his head echoes a strange prayer, singing _cogito ergo sum, cogito ergo sum, cogito ergo –_

And he thinks he is Ryo Asuka.

 

In twelfth grade, Akira decides to adopt the sole survivor of their high school’s mascots.

He names her Ms. Hopps.

Ryo calls him a soft-hearted idiot, tells him he might be better off caring for animals than he will for humans.

Akira cocks his head, and looks at him.

Ryo bites his lip.

The words feel right and bitter, like unripe fruit.

 

One day, when Akira is fighting demons, Ryo is left to bunny-sit because the Makimuras are out of town. He spends a good five minutes just standing in the hallway when he comes in, staring at beady, blank eyes as they stare into his own. Then, he sighs.

He’s having a staring contest with Ms Hopps.

Ms Hopps, who is Akira’s pet rabbit.

 _Stop being ridiculous,_ he chides himself, _and stop staring down a rabbit like a jealous –_

Stop that. He shudders, jerks his shoulders back as if pulled back by invisible strings.

Ms Hopps cocks her head, her blank eyes holding a note of something thoughtful and gentle. Concerned. Akira-like.

Ryo shudders again, his frame shaking with laughter.

 _Whose were you,_ he asks, _before you were his?_

 

He wishes the Makimuras were here, if to care for that stupid rabbit.

 

In some other life, Miki Makimura’s father is a pastor and his daughter says to him “I’m sorry for your loss” as she bows and presents a package to him, ribbon and all. “I thought this might help you with your grief.”

It is a copy of the Bible.

 

Akira sometimes has dinner over at Ryo’s.

Ryo’s father is a horrible cook, and when they are older they will lock themselves in Ryo’s room and eat junk food and watch shit television, but for now they are twelve and having dinner at an actual table and Ryo’s father is proud.

“My son has such good grades.” he says.

Akira hums in agreement, his face flushed. His grades are almost decent, though he works twice as hard as Ryo. Yet instead of shame or anger, there is only admiration in his voice when he says “He’s amazing. He’s like a porcupine though, when anyone tries to praise or get close to him.”

Ryo splutters, and is too embarrassed to call Akira an idiot. The sentiment, if it had been spoken, would not have been heard over Dr. Asuka’s laughter anyway.

“My, my Ryo, I hope you don’t fall into the porcupine’s dilemma.”

Ryo scowls.

Akira cocks his head to the side, but does not ask for clarification. Instead, he puts a warm hand on Ryo’s arm under the table.

 

Akira is not an orphan, but he might as well be.

His parents are distant and cold. He, however, is not. He acts like what he imagines children from loving families are like – and Ryo knows Akira thinks all children _are_ loved, in some way.

Ryo knows Akira thinks his parents are better at loving him from afar than up close.

 Ryo knows Akira knows only how to love someone up close. So, he loves those close to him. So he thinks he is the one at fault, the one on the wrong side of the divide between himself and the people who raised him. So Akira acts as though he is loved.

And Akira acts as though he is loved, while Ryo debates whether or not to tell Akira that he _is_.

 

The Devil is not an orphan, but he often wishes he were.

 

“Do you think it will stop soon?”

Akira asks one September afternoon, when they are about nine and school has let out and neither of them have an umbrella.

Ryo shrugs from his spot next to Akira. The bus stop bench is a cold slate. Akira’s fingers clutch at it, and he squirms in his seat. Ryo cocks his head.

“Are you cold?”

Akira shakes his head and pouts “No, I just hate waiting. I wish the bus would come already.”

Ryo does. Ryo doesn’t.

It would be nice if they could stay here. If the rain never ceased, if they were both trapped here forever… well, that wouldn’t be so bad would it?

 

Both he and Akira are sick with the flu afterwards.

 

Later, when the bus arrives, Akira will jump up excitedly and run and trip. Ryo will sigh, stand up, and stand over Akira’s sprawled form.

Akira will stare up at him from the mud, eyes blank and bugged-eyed as the sky continues to weep above their heads.

 

In one life, in an attempt to separate him from Akira, Jenny moves them to America. Ryo goes.

During his time at university, both as a student and a professor, he impresses people who don’t matter.

But that’s not right.

He has never learned anything worth knowing from the humans, be they professors or otherwise. And if he has ever taught the humans anything, anything at all, he has taught them by example.

 

“Hey Ryo?”

Ryo shifts in his bed, looks to the sleeping bag Akira is squirming in. “What?”

“What’s the porcupine’s dilemma?”

Ryo frowns and yaws, mulls over whether or not he should tell Akira to shut his trap and go to sleep. Eventually, he says “It’s a metaphor. Schopenhauer used it to elucidate the difficulties of human interaction.”

Akira blinks.

Ryo sighs “A group of porcupines huddles together for warmth, but are unable to share warmth because when they get too close to one another they hurt each other with their spines.”

Akira blinks, and his lip wobbles. Then, he nods his head and scoots his sleeping bag closer to the edge of Ryo’s bed.

“We should knit sweaters for them.”

Ryo’s eye twitches “Porcupine’s don’t wear sweaters, dumbass.”

 

When the world ends again, the Devil will crouch down and make himself as small as he is able. He will fold his wings tight, jut his feathers out just so, and trace the haphazard outline of a child in his own shadow.

 

 _The Devil’s greatest victory_ –

Ryo Asuka thinks before he slips away into a conscious that is as vast as it is empty.

 – _is that he doesn’t exist._

**Author's Note:**

> Title references the poem "Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carroll.
> 
> Also, this fic was written and updated for and because of jaypeg - so most of the credits go to her.


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